Wednesday, January 15, 2014

A Peaceful Night

Right before New Years, I spent a night by myself in a local hotel.  It was maybe my favorite holiday gift!


I took my old, trusty laptop, my brand new, empty calendar for 2014, a slew of magazines and some new books that I received for Christmas.


I also took my copy of Voluntary Simplicity.  I re-read it every year and it inspires me to simplify my life all over again!


Oh, you have no idea how much I enjoyed myself.  I'm someone who needs a lot of time alone and I never get bored with myself.  I ordered dinner in and watched a movie while I ate.  No one interrupted me or tried to take my food or spilled a drink or sat in my lap or cried in my ear.  When the movie finished, I literally did a dance around the room because I was so relaxed and happy. I played Candy Crush without anyone getting annoyed with me. I even watched an hour of trashy TV without comments from my husband. I brushed my teeth and flossed for nearly 15 minutes.  Are you a flosser?  I've always loved flossing my teeth and it's one of those things that often gets pushed to the back burner when the kids are around.  (What does that say about my life when flossing my teeth was a highlight?  Ha!)  Look, I even hung my jacket!


I stayed up late reading but remained in bed until about 10:30 the next morning.  Can you imagine?  What a luxury!  I begged for a later check-out time and they gave it to me.  I was so happy!


I thought a lot about saying good-bye to 2013 and looked ahead to 2014.  I planned our Spring Break vacation. I started looking through all my photos from 2013 to do a highlights post but it made me really down (I still miss my Hubbell so fiercely!). I closed my photo files.


My sweet grandmother gave me this Wildflowers guide so I went back through my photos from Big Meadows and started to ID some of my favorite flowers that I had photographed.  I really enjoyed this and it made me realize that I'm already excited about going back there this summer.

During my stay two things really stuck out to me and caught me off guard:
1.  The daily clutter that exists in our house is stressful for me. Each time I walked into this hotel room, I was immediately overcome by how clean and clutter-free it was and it relaxed me.  Clara in particular is a messy child and, when she's home, I could do nothing else but clean and it wouldn't help much. It made me kind of sad.

2. TIME MOVES SO SLOWLY when my kids aren't around.  Being alone made me realize how high maintenance my children are.  I think that's one downside of being a stay-at-home parent.  Sophie used to be so independent but I can't really say that for her anymore. It seems to me these days that she can't even get a cup of water by herself.  I know that partially stems from jealousy issues with her sister. And Clara is Mommy obsessed. I mean OBSESSED!!!!!!!!  I am literally drowning in my children lately and I feel suffocated. You know the saying "it takes a village"?  Well, I agree, it does. The problem is that my village consists of one person.....me. This also made me sad.

SO I guess you could say I realized pretty quickly that things need to seriously change in 2014.  I'm not sure what those changes will be yet but I'm working on it.  I really needed this one night alone to feel a little like myself again, even if only for 24 hours.  Thank you, Alain.

Before leaving for home, I did ask Alain to bring the girls over for a swim.


   



The girls were ecstatic and had a blast!  It was a nice way to end my stay.

9 comments:

  1. Oh Audrey, I can't imagine a better gift than to have had an entire night all to yourself! I love that you used it wisely and that you had time to contemplate about your responsibilities and how things need to shift. Carrie was always so independent! "CARRIE do it!" she used to say. Taking a step back and gaining a fresh perspective is a great idea. Good for you, my friend!

    (I left a comment but it disappeared...sorry if this is a double dip...)

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    1. Hi Deb! You know it was almost stressful because I had so many things I wanted to do/read/etc but I had to pack it into 24 hours. But then I really was amazed at how much I did do. Oh, it was so quiet. So happy I had that time. (And there was no double dip!!! Love that term!) :-)

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  2. What a wonderful gift ~ What a smart husband! And, of course, Sophie and Clara are darling! I so get needing alone time! If I don't have time for me, I get feisty! It's an awesome gift to never be bored! Lucky you and me! I know better than to click on Candy Crush ~ I'm in enough trouble with Bejeweled! I'm so glad that you had this time-out for yourself. I'm betting you were drained after the holidays. Everyone counts on Mom! *hugs*

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    1. Hi Louise!!! Yes, I get pretty feisty myself. A little too feisty if you ask me. :-) I don't even know about Bejeweled ~ it's probably best if I don't check that out. Ha! Before Hubbell passed away, I ALWAYS used to say, "I take care of everyone else and Hubbell takes care of me." You have no idea how true that was. Not having him around is really, really hard for me. I guess I leaned on him a lot. In hard moments, a cuddle with him or just seeing his smile would get me through. He made everything a little more bearable. I miss my guy. Thank you SO MUCH for the hugs. It's been a tough week (Clara is sick and didn't go to school all week) and that warmed my heart. XOXO

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  3. Audrey you are so speaking to me. I remember the feeling of claustrophobia when Hunter was little - and he was very independent! It's like your body actually belongs to them, not you. Of course that changes, especially with boys. I would give anything with one day of my 2 year old Hunter to cuddle with and love on! But, if I am honest with myself, I wouldn't go back. I barely survived it the first time. We LOVE our children with all our heart but raising them is the hardest thing in the world. It's the part of motherhood people don't talk about. I'm glad you have a husband who allows you to take some time... You deserve it.

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    1. Oh Jeanette, what a sweet comment. It took a while to press "publish" on this post. But I think women do themselves a HUGE disservice by not admitting how hard and frustrating it can be. I do think there are people who really don't mind this stage and love every moment of it. I'm not one of them. I feel like my personal life is secondary to everyone else's. It's not a nice feeling. I often wonder "what's in this for me"? But then I remind myself that it will pass and each year I'll have a little more time to rebuild my life and possibly my career. It's just hard when you husband works a lot and travels and you have no family or support system closeby. My friends all have their own children so they can't be of much help when my kids are sick. You know? It's hard. Anyway, I'm babbling and I clearly could go on all day. Really, I just wanted to thank you for such a heartfelt comment......means a lot to me. I look forward to catching up on all of your posts when Clara's better and back in school! XOXO

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  4. I hear you sister. I am completely jealous of your 24 hours alone. There could seriously be no other, better gift. I have been dreaming of it for over five years. 24 hours...wow. I am really impressed with how much you accomplished, I'm not sure I could do more than burrow under the covers and reach for the remote - although I would probably read a lot too!
    I am really happy for you, maybe since this was so good for you, you can rally to do it at least once every four to six months?

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    1. Oh Tia, if only we lived closer.....I'd love to take the boys so you could have 24 hours by yourself. Especially now. You deserve it!!! And then some. Alain agreed that this should be a recurring event. WOOHOO!!!! :-) LOVE YOU.... XOXO

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  5. Back again, Audrey! Thanks for the well wishes and sympathy! I'm on the road to recovery! May you never have serious dental issues! I wish you a lifetime of happy, happy visits with dentists! Hope Clara is now feeling much better! Maybe, when you can bear it, you can get a new dog. Hubbell was your angel. Sending you more and big HUGS!

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